My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Pants are for mortals
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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