I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize