I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
