He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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