I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
