Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
