dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
