so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
