You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
