If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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