im drinking this country out of the recession.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
