you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
