yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
