Your tits are I can't wait for
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
