From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
