I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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