I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
