She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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