He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
