There is no way he is gay with that hair.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
