fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
