So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize