it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
the day after is always just damage control
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Randomize
