im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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