Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize