Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
it's great music for shaving your balls
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
