i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
