he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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