I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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