dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
