so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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