Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
