Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
