He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize