I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
