I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
