my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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