the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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