Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
