Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
