I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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