matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
