i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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