And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
