I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
