I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
