i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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