Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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