Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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