doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
