Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
