how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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