I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Where is the hickey?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
