yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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