I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
