Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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