What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize