singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
