I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
