Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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