Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
