either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
