I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
