I'm gonna have a badass scar
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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