If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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