Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
