I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
