oh god the rape fog is back!
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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