I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
