I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
