Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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