mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
foreskin is a definite game changer
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
