Sry I called you an 8
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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