There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
