oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
