i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Randomize
