he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
