i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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