My hand turned me down
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
