i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize