peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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