Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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