Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
