That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
