i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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