My first STD was from a foam party
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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