I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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