she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
