I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
