So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
