kristin has been a bad kristin
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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