we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
