All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I wish you could order shots online.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize