just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
