I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
